i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
