Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
