Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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