He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
