I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
