The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
