Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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