Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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