I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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