The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
