No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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