it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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