Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Everything about him screamed your future.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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