help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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