last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
