my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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