pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
