checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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