I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
