i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
