Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
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