i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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