just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
