I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
