I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
