i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My balls are so social today.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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