i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
