The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
