he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We left the knife in your bed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
