The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
