i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
