can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
