new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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