I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
