I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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