remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
