I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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