True but thats because hes a fetus.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
