I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
