I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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