just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
