We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
