bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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