So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
