You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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