Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
