Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
