D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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