there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
