Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
